God's Not Real If She's Broken
13 For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. because I have been remarkably and wondrously made.14 I will praise you Your works are wondrous, 15 My bones were not hidden from you and I know this very well. when I was made in secret, 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; when I was formed in the depths of the earth. all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.
Psalm 139:13
When Brynna was born and spent 6 weeks in the NICU, we had a copy of Psalm 139 over her little bed. It was a constant reminder to us that God was in charge, He was sovereign and nothing we were experiencing had snuck up on HIm.
Today, after a couple of wrecks (not us), two detours, and heavy rains, we turned an hour and forty-five minute trip into a three and a half-hour ordeal. We finally arrived at Cook’s in Fort Worth for a 23 hour EEG, which is no small feat for a non-verbal autistic child. It’s been a very long day.
After 30 minutes of holding her while they hooked her up, everyone was tired, especially Brynna. She finally went to sleep for a bit. As we watched her sleep, we reflected on her life, our life, and all the stuff she endures because of her condition. We talked about how people have told us over the years that her body and mind are the way they are because we live in a broken, fallen world; that God would never have intended her to be like this. They say the enemy did this. But as I read my Bible I find that isn’t true at all.
Psalm 139 is clear who formed her in the “inward parts”. It is clear Who knit her together in the womb. It is clear that she is wonderfully, and might I add, intentionally, made. Before she was ever born, “broken” as they say, His eyes saw her and every single day she will live, “broken” or whole was numbered before that incredible day in May of 2007.
According to Psalm 139, one of two things happened in the womb:
God intentionally formed her “broken” or
He watched and allowed her to be “broken” and didn’t fix her
Either way, He was either implicit in her design, or complicate in her brokenness. Regardless of which one turns out to be true, He is good and it is perfectly within His nature and character to do either.
Why does this matter to me so much, you may ask?
Because if they aren’t true, He isn’t God. If the enemy somehow beat Him to the punch and “broke” her before He could finish her, He isn’t God.
If upon seeing her in the womb, He couldn’t fix her, He isn’t God and the Word is no more trustworthy than the birdcage liners in which we find our news these days. And if the Word isn’t trustworthy, neither is the sacrifice He made for us on Calvary.
If she is broken, He isn’t God, but if He IS God (and I believe He is), then she is precisely as he meant her to be, His word stands true, and His everlasting love can still save us all.
One day, the last day He gave her will expire. We will be crushed, but we will not be without hope. I pray today is not that day, but I trust Him that when that day comes, it will be exactly as He planned it.
As we talked about God’s goodness in her suffering, we were reminded of how much our other kids had learned from being around her. We thought about how many people’s lives have been changed by her testimony, how many souls have been touched because He saw fit to knit her together just as He intended in the secret place, for His purpose, our good, and His glory.
We are blessed beyond measure to have her … just as she is … just as He intended.
If the pathway to knowing Jesus is to fellowship in His suffering, she knows Him better than us all.
